time capsule

do you happen to know what time capsule is? well, I do, at least a glimpse….

in fact, I’m making one right now. I just wanna make sure, that I would memorize every single important thing in my life and I don’t care if it seems so simple. today, I just wanna write about something that I wanna read in the next 20 or even 50 years from now (if this site still exists). I wanna say something pure and honest.

I think I’m in love… unlike the feeling I had before, this love is relaxing. why? because I put my mind at easeI i laid back and watching the world is running in front of me. i’m choosing my own scene of life while i’m lying back. i let this love free… it can move wherever it wanted to, it can sing, it can do whatever it takes to grow. and when i saw the perfect scene, then i’ll jump in…

there’s this guy, he didn’t make the best of me. he didn’t change me to become a better person. somehow, when i’m talking to him or just standing beside him or worse even just seeing him from a distance, i felt the real me… i don’t change, i’m not trying to… i’m just who i am… and for me that’s a big deal. why? because somehow in my life i always do my best to pleased someone else. to make them happy, to let them have what they wanted for me. it’s not that i’m complaining, but sometimes i lost track of myself. so, having someone that could make me just who i am is so important to me.

this guy, he’s not perfect. he’s out of my imagination and believe me not even in my wildest dream i would be in love with this kind of person. okay, maybe in love is too much.. not even in my wildest dream i would had a crush with this kind of guy…. seriously… but, i’m not here to talk about his imperfections, i’m here to talk about how i like him because he’s he….

he’s the kind of guy who’s funny, made me laugh, made me stand on the edge of my nerve. he’s the kind of guy who’s coloring my life. everytime i met him, he painted another color in my life. either it’s bright yellow, cheerful orange, calming green, boiling red, even darkest black… he painted those….

i am able to show my feelings toward him… my happiness, my deep anger, my sadness, my dissapoinment, everything… something that i never did before to someone thatย i love. i thought that love was about happiness and happy times and happy memories… but i turned out wrong. love is also about bitter, anger, dissapointed, sadness. without those, love is incomplete. so like i said, i mixed it all into one love for him. i hope that i could learn more and more about him and this love, so that one day we both will walk in the same scene of life together not just happily ever after but also in bad…

i guess this is just the way i wanna tell him that i love him… i can’t say it directly to him right now, maybe tomorrow or the day after or God knows when… but by that time, i know i’ll be ready and we both will…

so, this is my time capsule. i just wanna say, that i do love you and i hope that i would still be able to say the same thing after 50 years or even more from now on… i hope at that time, i would be able to say good morning and look at the inside of my loved one’s eyes and see the sparkle of love still burning deep…

-CS-

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